Magical Mishaps and Puppies Galore
by General Danvers
Summary: Emma curses herself and Regina so they enlist Ruby to help them sort out their issues. RedSwanQueen. FFF. M. Sort of Porn with Plot. Magical Penis


**Hey guys, its Christmas today so this one was only briefly edited, so try not to hate of spelling and grammar issues too much, i may have had a little to drink before reading this through.**

 **Just a one shot. Would love some reviews!**

 **Much Love!**

I do not own OUAT.

* * *

"I... I'm just... speechless." Regina scrunched up her face looking as uncomfortable as Emma felt.

"Oh my god Regina... I'm so sorry." Emma gasps sincerely and squirms slightly.

"How did you... You've been in the books in the vault." Regina accuses.

"Yes! But you said I couldn't and this was an accident. I was just thinking of something Hook had said... ugh. Crap!" Emma was glaring down at her lap.

"Crap, Indeed. Emma we cannot get rid of these easily." Regina huffs frustrated at her charge.

"What do we have to do? Make a potion? Create our own spell?" Emma asks seriously.

"How many times do I have to tell you this isn't Harry Potter." Regina face palms and Emma flushes.

"Ok Fine. Whatever. Just tell me how." Emma urges border line desperately.

"We have to have sex." Regina grits out hating that this is a situation.

"You and I? Together?" Regina wasn't certain but she thought Emma looked a little hopeful.

"No Emma. We are physically unable to take it the traditional way." Regina sighs.

"Well... maybe we should go get some lunch, we can think about it while we eat." Emma suggests though she was uncomfortable and anxious about the whole thing. Why she had to be thinking of that stupid joke the pirate had made she didn't know.

* * *

"I must say, teaching you magic hasn't been boring at least." Regina comments as the two ate their lunch at the diner.

"No kidding. I mean I've only set your dining room on fire and turned Pongo into a spotted dog shark." Emma wrinkles her nose, she knew she needed to learn but this was mental.

"Indeed. Seeing Hopper in such a tizzy was the best part. He's usually so unflappable." Regina actually smirked.

"You're handling this better than I thought, all things considered." Emma comments after a moment of amused silence.

"I'm particularly comfortable with sex and sexuality, Emma. This problem can be fixed I just need to find someone willing to help. Probably easier for you, you're gorgeous and everyone likes you." Regina offers a little off handly but Emma got it.

"They are starting to like you too you know. You've saved our town more than you've cursed it. And you know... after the ugh, Marion thing... well there is a whole lot of respect for you these days." Emma flushes though this time from shame.

"Oh? How do you suppose that?" Regina quirks an eyebrow.

"Everyone knows now why you cursed the town. Because of... of Daniel. They also know about the whole soul mate thing. You know... Snow ruins it for you first and then her foolish daughter does? Except you let yourself hurt this time instead of hurting everyone else. People respect you for that, sympathise." Emma's tone had gone gentle and Regina's expression was a little cloudy.

"Try as I might, no matter how much you mess up for me, I cannot hate you Emma." Regina sighs after a moment and takes one final nibble on her salad.

"You're like... my best friend. So I'm kind of happy for that. Though I promise to stop messing things up for you, like at least on a grander scale than what little Emma and little Regina would count." Emma says softly but sincerely despite her joking tone at the end.

"Yes well, I'm not sure you can exactly help it. You're inherently good. Saving damsels and all that." Regina smiles because though it hurt, Emma didn't force Robin to chose Marion and Regina refused to be 'the other woman.'

"It's sort of like a childhood fantasy. Did you ever wish you were a guy?" Emma asks curiously shifting in her seat.

"Not exactly, mostly I just wished I'd been a peasant." Regina wrinkled her nose a little.

"I get that. I wanted to be a guy, I thought it would be so much easier. Though being a girl probably got me a few less beatings in foster homes." Emma shrugs and something just occurs to Regina.

"Oh my god." Regina mumbles so herself.

"What? What is it?" Emma asks suddenly concerned.

"You just said I'm your best friend. Except I gave you like the shittiest childhood ever. You're such a masochist." Regina couldn't quite keep the twinkle out of her eyes.

"You're a jerk." Emma laughs and shakes her head.

it was at that point Ruby came over to the table. Emma and Regina were still chuckling when the wolf sidled up to the table to offer refills on Reginas coffee and see if Emma wanted something else to drink. When they turned to acknowledge the woman both of them lit up.

"Ruby!" The two cursed women exclaimed together.

"Uh, hi guys," Ruby chuckles amused.

"We have a proposition for you." Emma starts pulling the wolf into the booth beside her.

"Alright I'm listening." Ruby was still amused but also curious.

"So I've been teaching Emma to control her magic, this morning she had a bit of a... mishap, and has accidentally cursed the both of us." Regina begins to explain.

"Alright. So how do I help?" Ruby was pretty much willing to do anything for Emma and Regina was definitely considered friend material these days.

"Well you see, I kind of gave Regina and I dicks. Apparently the only way to get rid of them is to..." Emma trails off and makes a gesture of creating a circle with her finger and thumb before poking her other index finger through the hole. Regina snorted softly at the immature move.

"So you both have cocks and the only way to get rid of them is to have sex with someone? And you want to have sex with me?" Ruby asks just to get this clear. Both women nodded.

"Ok but why me and not someone else?" Ruby quirks an eyebrow.

"Well aside from you being our friend you're also gorgeous and like... the only single person we know and actually trust." Emma offers and Regina nods agreeing with this assessment.

"We will take you out to dinner, or to get drinks." Regina offers because Ruby would be doing them a favour after all.

"So you're like... buying me now? Like I'm some kind of hooker?" Ruby was willing, more than, but she was also willing to watch her friends squirm a bit.

"Uh... no? That's not the intention." Emma frowns wondering if they've just messed this up.

"We want to hang out, then get this done, then hang out some more." Regina was frowning as well because she certainly didn't want the wolf to think this was some sort of transaction. Out of everyone she had cursed in the first curse Ruby was probably Regina's favourite.

"Alright. Let's have drinks at the Rabbit Hole tonight, then tomorrow when everything is done... you're making me breakfast. I hear you make some of the best waffles." Ruby says looking at the two women.

"Yes. Perfect. Let's do that." Emma says eagerly, not only did she want to get rid of the penis but she also liked having a drink.

"Wait you mean... all three of us together?" Regina asks a little uncertain. Ruby slid out of the booth.

"Oh yes. I've fantasised about being with you two together." Ruby grins and saunters off a little extra sway to her hips that made both women uncomfortable.

* * *

"This just seems like a weird date." Regina frowns slightly, she and Emma had been getting ready at the mansion.

After briefly, and embarrassingly explaining to David what the issue was and getting them to look after Henry for the night the two women had gone to Emma's and gotten some clothes before deciding to go to the mansion to get ready. They had shared a scotch together before showering separately and getting dressed, Emma in jeans and Regina in a rather tight dress that still managed to keep her temporary friend hidden.

"Sort of. I mean, I'd date both of you. Maybe not at the same time normally but hey, we live in Storybrook, nothing here is normal." Emma says brushing her hair out.

"You'd date women?" Regina asks a little surprised as she touches up her make up.

"Yes. I have dated women in the past. It never lasted unfortunately. I'm kind of bad at relationships. Too many abandonment issues." Emma wrinkled her nose.

"About as good as myself it seems. I've slept with women, your grandfather had a maid whom comforted me more than once. I don't think I've ever considered actually having a romantic relationship though." Regina frowns trying to remember.

"Not even with yours truly? We have chemistry." Emma grins at her brunette companion.

"Yes, explosive chemistry. But I had considered it when we first met. Though I think that was maybe before I was so worried you'd take Henry." Regina admits.

"And now you know I'm not going anywhere?" Emma asks quirking an eyebrow.

"I hadn't put much thought into it Emma. Since we became friendly it's been one disaster after the other. I suppose I'd date you." Regina wasn't sure this was safe territory anymore but also realised she had nothing to lose either.

"True. If we are being honest though I'd have asked you out ages ago if I thought you'd have said yes." Emma wasn't sure how they'd gone from magical mishaps to confessions of this kind but now she had her foot in she supposed she may as well five in head first.

"The town would hate it." Regina comments turning from the mirror to look at the pretty blonde sitting on the edge of her bed.

"I don't want to date the town Regina, I want to date you." Emma reasons gently.

"Let's get through our weird threesome date and then we can talk about going on a proper one." Regina says softly looking a little hopeful.

"Alright. Sounds good to me." Emma smiles fondly.

* * *

"So you guys magicked yourselves some cocks. How do you even do that?" Ruby asks after her third shot.

"Emma was thinking about a spell she had read about in one of my books. Magic is emotion and all that and I guess she was feeling something when she was supposed to be thinking about something else." Regina shrugs a little and Emma grins.

"What's it like?" Ruby was interested, she like most other women, had wondered what it would be like even though she was perfectly happy being a woman.

"Weird. I tried to pee earlier, it was a mess." Emma confesses shamelessly.

"Not in my house I hope." Regina narrows her eyes and Emma smirks.

"No at mine." Emma assures and Ruby laughs.

"You know I'm not sure why you two aren't like an item. I even have a ship name." Ruby admits waving the bartender over to order some more drinks.

"As in like, pirates?" Regina asked a little confused by the younger woman's words.

"No she means like fanfiction. It's like a couples name. What's ours?" Emma asks looking at the wolf.

"SwanQueen obviously." Ruby rolled her eyes.

"So this is like a... RedSwanQueen night?" Regina asks quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah it is." Ruby laughs and nods.

"But seriously why aren't you guys a thing. There's chemistry." Ruby says not to be deterred.

"That's what I said." Emma nods her head with a grin at the mayor.

"We are... looking into it. After this appendage business is over." Regina admits mildly.

"Oh makes sense. So who is going first?" Ruby was feeling pretty good at this point, despite the mild kick in the gut that she was yet again missing out in the love department. The wolf had been somewhat hopeful about Emma for a while and despite Regina's reputation she had had a crush on the mayor for... well decades.

"Maybe we should go by size. The smaller of the two of us going first." Regina offers reasonably and Emma and Ruby both nod.

"Who is smaller?" Ruby asks seriously.

"I don't know. Suppose we will find out when we get back to Reginas." Emma points out reasonably.

"On that note. Why don't we do that now? I'm not looking to get drunk and fuck, it's lazy and I actually kind of want to be able to remember being with you two." Ruby suggests with a grin getting up and strutting out of the bar.

"It's not wrong that I actually want to fuck her right?" Regina asks a little crassly but knowing the language didn't really bother Emma.

"Well if it is we are both wrong. Ruby is smoking hot after all." Emma hops up and follows Regina as the mayor had stood to follow the wolf.

* * *

"It's close, but hard Emma is definitely the biggest." Ruby had, rather expertly, helped both women achieve hard-on.

It had been a bit of an awkward affair and both Emma and Regina refused to be entirely naked, not that having their bras stay on really kept much modest. Ruby didn't really mind though and opted to leave her own lacy red bra on. Emma in forest green that matched her eyes well and Reginas was a lacy black that left nothing to the imagination.

"Sit back and watch a pro show you how it's done." Regina comments to Emma who snorts amused.

"Warn strap ons much then?" Emma shoots back and Ruby rolls her eyes and moves onto the mayors king size bed.

"Less talking Madame Mayor." Ruby coos and Regina bites her lip looking at the gorgeous woman currently spread eagle on her bed.

"Damn Ruby, you're already so wet." Emma comments appreciatively from beside the bed.

"Can you blame me? I'm about to be fucked by two extremely gorgeous women." Ruby had reached between her own legs boldly and stroked her clit gently.

"Do you need... preparing?" Regina queries gently though her erection was throbbing at the display before her and here eyes were dark with lust.

"Not unless you want to, I never say no to foreplay." Ruby grins and then moans almost more for show than anything else.

"Dammit, I have to taste." Emma blurt blurts our gently nudging Regina out of the way.

Emma mumbled an apology to Regina for making her way before dropping to her knees and pulling Ruby none to gently to the edge of the bed. Ruby gasped softly and then practically trembled in anticipation. Regina could t help stroking herself as she watched the blonde wrap those perfect lips around the small hard nub that was the wolf's clit.

"Oh..." Ruby moaned softly as Emma first began to suckle lightly, arching her back when two slim but long fingers entered her core.

Regina was biting her lip and Emma was working the brunette over in such an expert way that the mayor was rather jealous it wasn't her receiving that sort of treatment. Yet it was soothing to the green eyed monster that Regina would likely get to have her turn with Emma at a later date. That and the fact she was about to bury her cock inside the stunning dark haired woman.

"Oh... I... Uh..." What ever Ruby was going to say dissolved into a deep guttural moan as Emma added a third finger and curled them.

Brushing the tips of her fingers inside Ruby against the slightly rough patch had easily brought Ruby to orgasm, the wolf had been extremely turned on for most of the evening so it had been no wonder that she came so quickly. Standing up Emma didn't even think about what she was doing as she turned to Regina and pulled the woman into a deep kiss.

Regina didn't mind one little bit that her and Emma's first kiss was with the taste of another woman between them, in fact that coupled with the slick fingers curled around her cock made for an extremely pleasant time. When the blonde pulled away while Ruby was still recovering the mayor positioned herself and slid deep into the well prepared wolf.

"Oh fuck!" Ruby cries out at the delicious penetration and arches her back.

Emma, not wanting to be completely left out of this main event lays herself beside Ruby and kisses along the wolf's neck and shoulders as one of her hands toys idly with a red lace covered breast. Ruby was practically beside herself, this was turning out to be better than she had first imagined it would.

It was a glorious moment for Ruby, she was able to feel everything and just for now pretend that it wasn't entirely impossible to have either of the women with her. It was simple enough to put aside that she was hopelessly single and thanks to Storybrook being magically sealed off from the world likely would be single for a long time to come. Right now she was just feeling too good, feeling amazing as she came a second time, this time around Regina.

"Oh my god." Regina moans out finally at the way Ruby tightened so amazingly around her cock.

Regina didn't last more than a few strokes after that as she came hard buried deep inside the wolf who was making such wonderful sounds. Ruby was still arching off the bed and trembling with the force of her climax when Regina slowly pulled out, she would be back to normal once her appendage softened now that it was spent.

Emma moved up and replaced Regina when the mayor had moved from between the wolf's legs. Emma, like Regina had, didn't let Ruby recover before penetrating her with her slightly larger cock. The unspoken rule between Regina and Emma was that they keep Ruby is a state of bliss as the wolf was doing them a favour after all.

The Sheriff realised quickly that she could get used to this, the pleasure she was getting by making Ruby feel good and all she had to do was thrust? Lazy but effective. Of course she liked being a woman but could definitely see this spell coming in handy at a later date if things go as well with Regina as she is hoping they do.

When Ruby came again, which had been a little quickly compared to the first two times, Emma toppled over the edge with her both of them moaning incoherent things before Emma slid out and lay on her back beside the dark haired woman. Regina herself was laying on her side currently playing with Ruby's hair in her post coital contentment.

"That was... amazing just doesn't do it justice." Ruby gasps our not long after.

"Mm it was." Regina smiles and Emma nods still not quite able to speak.

Both women grew flaccid and much as the curse was effective at the same time it seemed to dissipate at the same time until both women were back to being women in their entirety. Ruby shimmied up the bed lazily and Emma and Regina crawled with her before the three fell asleep happily.

* * *

"So what do you think is up with Ruby? She's been really nervous around us the last few weeks." Emma comments sitting in a booth with her now girlfriend. It had been around 5 weeks since their little rendezvous and Ruby had been increasingly anxious with the two women.

"I don't know but I'm hoping today she sheds a little light on the issue because I personally miss having her around." Regina answers honestly.

"The same way you'd miss me if I wasn't around?" Emma asks not really joking because the two had talked about it since the curse Emma had put on the two and they had both at one point had crushes on the wolf.

"Is it bad if I said yes?" Regina tilts her head and Emma shakes hers.

"No. I like having Ruby around. Like... more than maybe I should given my serious like for you." Emma admits gently.

"No one said you can't seriously like both of us you know. Like the way I maybe seriously like both you and Ruby." Regina shrugs somewhat nonchalantly given the seriousness of the conversation.

"You think Ruby would be interested in like... dating us?" Emma queries and Regina wrinkles her nose slightly.

"Is that a common thing here?" Regina asks curiously.

"I wouldn't say it's common but it's definitely a thing. Polygamy and all that." Emma offers with a shrug.

"we could ask if that's what you think you might be interested in. I certainly am, I've been struggling to stop thinking about her since that night." Regina makes her own confession and her girlfriend can only grin.

Before anything else can be said a somewhat downtrodden looking Ruby slid into the booth across from them. The waitress looked a little haggard to say the least and both Regina and Emma were immediately concerned. Before they could voice their worry how ever Granny came over and handed the dark haired girl some seven up and then glared at the two women across from her grand daughter.

"Granny is giving shade today, what's with that?" Emma frowned looking to Ruby after the older woman had walked away.

"Don't worry she's not just mad at you guys she's mad at me too." Ruby responds and sips on the soda in front of her.

"Why is she?" Regina frowns a little and then her eyes widen.

"Did she find out about you helping us out?" The Mayor asks a little concerned.

"Yes but Granny isn't a prude that's not why she's upset... she's upset because... well because I'm pregnant. And I'm pretty sure it's because of you guys." Ruby explains looking extremely anxious.

"You're... you're pregnant?" Ruby couldn't help being in awe of the wonder in Reginas eyes.

"Yes. I haven't had any doctors appointments yet but, wolfs nose and all." Ruby says gently.

"How do you know it's one of ours?" Emma asks more curious than anything.

"Well some of the wolf traits carry over to the human side, such as breeding cycles. Normally I would need to be on heat before I could have babies. Granny thinks your silly curse must have made you extra fertile and it's some how induced my own ovulation." Ruby explains and Emma nods cause it kind of made sense.

"Will you date us?" Regina blurts our and Ruby looks surprised.

"Wait what?" Ruby frowns.

"Go on a date with us. Let us woo you. We want you with us." Emma elaborates.

"because of the baby?" Ruby's frown deepens.

"No, we were talking about it before we knew, the baby just makes us want you more." Regina offers smiling.

"Oh... pick me up at 8?" Ruby grins peeking right up. That magical mishap may have been a blessing in disguise.

* * *

"Reagan Cygnet Lucas! You get your little tail back here right now and tell me where these came from!" Emma called after the 7 year old eldest daughter of the Swan-Mills-Lucas triad.

"Ma! You can't send them away." Reagan laughed as she ran off with one of the little puppies she had just set at Emma's feet. They smelled like strays and based off of the nervous looking momma dog sitting beside her.

"She's a wolf alright... praying on the weakest link." Regina, a heavily pregnant Regina, comments sidling up behind Emma alongside her wolf beside her.

"Look at these faces! And her face! And look at that little brat!" Emma exclaims to her wives as she gestures first the puppies and their mother and then their daughter.

"And look at yours, you already can't say no to any of the kids. Except maybe Henry on a bad day." Ruby grins at her blonde wife.

"That's because Henry is my first born." Emma pouts and Regina has a rather adoring look on her face.

"Scarlet and Raina are going to have it so easy with you." Ruby chuckles and Emma huffs.

"Don't even act like you two are any better with the twins than I am with Reagan, and what's going to happen when Emily gets here?" Emma says in her own defence.

"We will all love them." Regina says simply because it was a fact, the three women loved one another greatly and it only seemed to grow as their family did.

"Like I love you guys." Ruby nods and Emma can't help pulling them both into a hug they all seem to melt into.

"We are keeping the puppies." Emma comments without pulling away.

"We Know." Regina and Ruby say together.


End file.
